it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
