margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
