been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
