True but thats because hes a fetus.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
