Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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