I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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