sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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