I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
