There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We have started to decorate penises.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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