my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
