dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
accomplished twins. life is a go
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
