i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
