on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
