i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
