I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
