It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
