He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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