I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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