my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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