But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
