You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
