I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
