I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
