Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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