Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
