Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
