Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
