That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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