Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
