I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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