he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Randomize
