I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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