I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
