I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
