the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i barfeds in our rink
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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