at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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