i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
