Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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