Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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