well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
