like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
