You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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