Ambien. No doubt about it.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
