you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
