So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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