They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
