If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She even gives head with a lisp.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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