Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
