Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
