the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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