we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
