Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I fill condoms, not promises.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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